James Hollis: Meaning Over Happiness & Facing Your Ghosts

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Chapter 13

Remember that catchy little song?

This Happiness thing is a bugger.

That elusive nirvana we're all in search of.

Afterall, it's in the Constitution.

Our dear friend James Hollis, my favorite psychoanalyst, says we're slapping at the wrong pinata.

Most of us were sold on the myth that if we did our homework, worked hard, and ate our vegetables, we would wind up happy.

Then we learned that the things that make us happy, leave us hungry for more.

Achievements and success become, in their way, addictive.

Purpose and meaning in life, while somewhat droll on the surface, have more nutritional value.

From James Hollis:

"We may be sure of one thing: the soul never leaves us...It knows the difference between a contextual happiness and an abiding meaning...Remembering what knows us better than we know ourselves, we find ourselves less distracted by the seductions of happiness."

Ok, Dr. Hollis, I get it, meaning over happiness.

But every so often, can't we just have a little fun?

(in a meaningful sort of way)

CEO Reflection Audit:

I am driven by achievement (happiness) or meaning?

Can I choose what satisfies my inner soul over comfort?

Is it enough to be grateful, if not happy?

CEO Challenge:

Once again, we are brought back to the essential question of why we are here. Think deeply about what it is that provides meaning and substance to your life.

Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.

Chapter 14

You know that choice you didn't make because:

Mom or Dad wouldn't have approved

You didn't think you had what it took

Mike was always better at it

It was "fattening" or "impractical" or "too late"

That's the friction between who we are and who we were taught to be.

I never really wanted to pursue a career in corporate finance.

Psychology had my heart early on

But my Mom said "WHY did you decide to major in Psychology?"

Arrrgh

So, I waited half a century to give myself permission to study it again.

James Hollis asks:

"What does history make you do, or what does it keep you from doing?"

Much of how we think, decide, and dream was programmed into us before we could think for ourselves.

That doesn't mean our lives are failures because we didn't become a sculptor or learn to play the tuba.

But one of the greatest obstacles to a meaningful life is never giving yourself permission to explore what your soul has always wanted to express.

CEO Reflection Audit:

What have you always wanted to do and still haven't?

What are you saying no to that matters more than what you're saying yes to?

What could you begin now before it becomes a regret?

CEO Challenge:

Give yourself permission.

Not to abandon your company or family.

But to make room, even just a little, for the thing inside you that still wants to live.

You don't have to save the rainforests.

But you could take tuba lessons.

We Are Haunted...

Chapter 15

"Today, I will do the same stupid things I've done for decades."

Says no one.

But we probably will.

We all have old programming running quietly in the background.

And when we're not paying attention, it kicks in:

Someone invalidates us and we second-guess ourselves

Our decision is challenged and we get defensive

Some jerk cuts us off and we lose our @#$%

Those are the ghosts.

Old complexes and emotional blueprints.

Stuff that made sense then, but doesn't serve us now.

We're doomed.

Hold on a sec.

Not exactly

James Hollis writes:

"We only begin to confront these hauntings when someone gets in our face and confronts us with the evidence of our behaviors, attitudes, and consequences."

God love the CEO Coach who calls you on your sh*t.

But Hollis also reminds us:

"It's not what happens to us, it's how we message it to ourselves."

"Few things outlast the truly resolved, persistent person."

CEO Reflection Audit: When do my ghosts take over?

Why am I about to do or say....?

Am I ready to confront these ghosts and rewire my responses?

CEO Challenge:

Your history is not your future.

You are not doomed to repeat.

Run through the fears and confront your ghosts.

"If we live in haunted houses, we are called to turn on the lights and clean house."