CEO Mental Fitness Series: James HollisLiving an Examined Life

This is the sixth in a seven-part blog series exploring the lessons of James Hollis' Living an Examined Life through the lens of CEO Mental Fitness. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, not a business guru. His work may be the most important leadership reading you'll ever do. He explores the hidden drivers of human behavior: the unconscious patterns, inherited expectations, and adaptive strategies formed long before you ever sat in the corner office.

Over 21 LinkedIn posts, I explored one lesson from each chapter. This series brings them together, three at a time, so you can sit with them in a deeper way.

Let's continue.

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Own Your S̶h̶*̶t̶ (Also... Your Life.)

Chapter 16

Dr. Hollis has smacked me again.

Dang.

Apparently, to be a good parent (grandparent... great-grandparent),

I have to be a more evolved person first.

Come on. Will it never stop?

Nope.

This chapter is about breaking the chain so we stop living out our parents' unlived lives, and stop unconsciously handing that burden to our children.

or anyone else for that matter.

James Hollis writes:

"As parents, mentors, leaders of one kind or another, we are called to grow up, take care of business, gain our own authentic journeys, and thus lift this terrible distraction to the soul off those whom fate has brought into our care."

Translation?

If we don't do the work to live our own life,

we'll project that unlived life onto the people we love most.

And it gets more chilling.

Do we expect our partner to complete the unfinished business of our life?

Yeah.

Remember Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire?

"You complete me."

The most loving thing we can do as leaders, parents, and partners

is to own our own.

CEO Reflection Audit:

What expectations am I placing on others to complete my story?

Where am I unintentionally shaming or pressuring others to meet my needs?

Have I let the people I love know they're enough, just as they are?

CEO Challenge:

Take that walk.

Own the whole package: the good, the bad, the ugly.

It's yours.

And if your kid struck out,

but took a helluva swing?

Celebrate the swing.

We Have a Shadow

Chapter 17

Those aspects of who we are that we try ever so hard to keep locked away inside.

The shadow is why we do dumb stuff or fail to achieve our potential.

Many of my grade school report cards included a comment or checkmark about my failure to "live up to my potential."

And much of that has still not changed.

How about you?

It's this shadow that keeps us from living the larger life.

Many of us live with the shadow that we are somehow not good enough.

As CEOs, this is the root of Imposter Syndrome.

That quiet whisper: "You're not enough."

James Hollis writes:

"We fail to understand that we have to lay ourselves down before our fears and sacrifice our pervasive comforts to do so. We have to put aside self-doubt, bring the discipline necessary to every day, show up in a larger way than feels comfortable."

And so it goes.

We are not perfect, we are not always right, and sometimes we don't know.

We have to right ourselves first.

To face that uncomfortable shadow that wants to hold us back, keep us safe, and drive us toward comfort.

Even Rocky Balboa knew

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward? That's how winning is done!"

CEO Reflection Audit:

What part of yourself are you most afraid to face?

What would it look like to forgive yourself as readily as you forgive others?

What is your shadow protecting you from?

CEO Challenge:

More soul searching.

Accepting others, as they are, begins with us.

Begin confronting and forgiving your shadow.

How Do You Choose Between A, B... and the Third?

Chapter 18

Job.

Duty.

Calling.

Sometimes, maybe often, they collide.

You've got an important client meeting this afternoon.

But your kid's soccer game is at the same time.

Tough call.

Hollis invites us to hold the tension between the obvious choices and and wait.

Wait for "the Third."

The Third is the voice that says:

This is the move that enlarges me.

This is the choice that brings me closer to the person I'm meant to become.

Skipping the meeting might cost you the deal.

But if your deeper value is being the kind of parent who shows up, you'll know what to do.

And you'll know the cost.

James Hollis writes:

"Responding to what we know, trying to live it in our often inadequate, even broken, ways is all that life really asks of us. Life asks of us jobs to earn our way, duty to serve the ties that connect us, and vocation to contribute the incredible richness that each person brings to the long trek upon which this species is embarked, and in the face of which we have so far yet to go."

It's not easy.

Sticking to your values

Making the tough call

Sacrificing comfort for growth

But only you can choose.

CEO Reflection Audit:

What kind of person are you called to be?

Are you willing to suffer a little for what really matters?

What needs to change in you to become that person?

CEO Challenge:

The challenge is to accept not fitting in, not doing what is expected, and not taking the easy path.

Sure, at the end of our days, they will say nice things about us, and some will miss us.

But will we have changed the world?

Up Next: Part 7 of 7

In the final installment, we'll explore Chapters 19, 20, and 21: constructing a mature spirituality, seizing permission to be who you really are, and living the questions that matter. The journey concludes.